Ares jokes
Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?
How do you call a cop?
Through the phone.
(My puns are bad)
An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
Why are we here?
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.