Ares jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?
"Dirty bitch, you are."
Why are autistic kids a stupid, brainless, special freak?
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
Some people are such "treasures" that you just want to bury them.
If laughter is contagious, Kris's jokes are immunity.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.
“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"
“Yes," replied Hodja.
“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.
Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.
The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.
“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"
“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
The only thing shittier than rapeboats rhymes are his jokes.
What are three things you can't give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.
You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
What do math and me on P-hub have in common?
They are both hard.