Ares jokes
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.
A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
Are you bisexual...
Or are you hellosexual?
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Which of these is the smartest; also, list them too: Is it autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
Black people are living proof we evolved from monkeys.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"
"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.
"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"
"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"
Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."
What are the three worst years of a black child's life?
First grade!
If you are what you eat,
why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?
What do asses and secrets have in common?
Both are better when not leaked!
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
Bruh, who likes Dhar Mann nowadays? That shit is ass AF. And it's just legit shit like only nerds that are fatherless would watch that shit.
People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.