Ares jokes
You are so fat, you are fatter than the fattest.
You are a fat pig.
You are so cat.
You are so dumb.
You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.
Sorry.
Why are you sorry?
Sorry for putting deez nuts in your mouth.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
The teacher fainted.
Why are there only 363 days for orphans?
Because they don't have Mothers' and Fathers' Day.
I saw a little kid crying because he was lost. I asked him, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working in an orphanage!
A bird was on a branch at school today. I turn away to talk to my friends, and another bird was there when I turned around. I turn around again, and the birds are having fucking sex!!!
What the fuck.
Now I've seen everything.
Why do they act so emo?
Because they are all retards.
Why are cheetahs not good at hiding?
They’re always spotted!
Like this if you are in elementary, middle school, or high school.
Like this if you are in foster care.
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
Peter: Curses!
Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Peter: *Crying*
Jacob: Why are you crying?
Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Are you chicken me????!!!!
What do you do when you're bored?
Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.