New Appointment Jokes

What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?

The doctor taking off his watch.

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"

Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."

Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?

Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

Because he had too many FILL-INS

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

To get a fresh set of GRILLZ

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

To fix his FLOW

I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist after being there for a while, the dentist ask “ How of do you floss your teeth? The jap said “ after every meal”, when they finish up the dentist turns to him and “says you need to floss your eyes more, I can still see them”

Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.

Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?

Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.

Orphan: Why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.

*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.

*Me sits down in the chair*

*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.

*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.

*walks out without paying*

*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.

*customer:* I told u she would.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

imagine this senario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses,diseases,etc in the world but cooler like this: "bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc" and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.

Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?

Me: *silence*

I will be back on tomorrow at 5pm cst

Dentist: Open up, sir.

Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

Dentist: Do you need help??

Me: Yep.

Dentist: ...

Me: ....