Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
I want to know who this fake me is! I haven't even posted or commented on anything bad or said a curse. I am very kindly asking you to stop.
ok Gwen ill be offline for a while.... so if anyone by my name types anything its a fake. the only way u know its me if i say one of my nicknames. ok so yea take care of my account while im gone. BYE!!!!
Pretend me please stop! I don't recall posting anything except commenting and posting something for Jordan C! Please stop!
As I’m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:
Angel: This won’t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.
Devil: Did she just twitch?
A: No. She didn’t twitch.
D: I think I saw her finger twitch.
A: Well, even if it did, it’s her thigh the techs are aiming at.
D: She wants to scratch her face.
A: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.
D: But her cheek has an itchy spot.
A: She can just let it itch. She doesn’t need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.
D: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...
A: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliver’s smile...
D: How about a song?
A: Good idea!
D: How about... “Never going to give you up. Never going to let you down....”🎶
A: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! She’s in the middle of a treatment! You know that’s the only part she knows!
D: That’s okay. She’ll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....
A: Don’t be so mean!
D: “Never going to give you up...🎶”
A: Stop it!
D: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!
A: No, she didn’t.
D: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....
A: She didn’t screw anything up!
D: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!
A: That’s not how it works...
D: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor won’t get enough radiation.
A: They know what they are doing!
D: ...And it won’t shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.
A: No! No! No! That’s not how any of this...
D: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.
A: Stop this right now!!
D: “Never going to give you up....🎶”
A: Stop!
D: “...never going let you down....🎶”
A: I’m not going to let you...
D: “Never going to give you up...🎶” .
Techs: Okay. That’s it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?
Tammi: ...Oh, I’m fine.....
I hope I'm not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough. Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don't remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop.
PS It's not for drama, it's because you're bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask.
Thank you.
Addison.
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.
Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"
Priest, "how so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"
Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"
Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"
Then Matt walks out the door
Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"
So I'm the Cable Guy around the neighborhood and I do everybody's table so I walked into this one house and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs I was asking where her mom was and she wasn't answering and it looked like something was wrong so I asked if anything was wrong she didn't answer so I kind of raise my voice at her but she still didn't answer and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home. She realizes she's pregnant, and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feelling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father1"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
Neona (😃): Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen (😁): I knew it !! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona (😁): He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen (😏): Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona (🙁): Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen (😕): Wait ... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona (😕): No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen (😯): No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona(🤨,🙁,😠): Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen (😟): No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth Neona!
Neona (😔): Gwen please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr.Smith sexual hassults women!!!
Gwen (🙁): He does your not listing.
Neona (🤬): I don't care BITCH!!!!
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on Karien.
Karien: Will I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Will just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day...24 hours mom!
Teacher to Student: You are supposed to be here at 9 am! Student: Oh, did I miss anything?
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back... The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"
If your reading this then good lets stop this hating on this site! We can just get along or if not then don't say anything at all! "Kiss"
What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up! What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days! What is the state of Texas for? Guns! What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!) What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly! What is the state of Nevada for? Every heard of gambling? What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting! What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)
I could think of anything because your in the “Country-Side”
How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18 - 24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills she would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA
How do you know if a homophobic woman that is a christain nationalist and catholic is poor enough she would be desperate enough to do anything to pay her bills she would be willing to perform anilingus and cunnilingus on women regardless of their sexual orientation in the LGBT community
|Chapter #1|
“Hey Matthew, how is our world doing,” I asked Matthew through the mic. My name is Kai and Matthew was my best friend and my brother, well, stepbrother he lives with my dad along with Clara my little sis. Matthew and I were born in the same year but with different parents, he is like my twin. Our birthday is the same, march, 21, 2009, then Matthew responds, “It’s doing fine. I finished building the second floor of the house” we were playing Minecraft java edition, in hardcore so if we died we would lose the world. we had made it so far in survival mode. just then I heard someone knocking on my door to my room. I went to go see who it was but just as I got out of my chair, the computer made a weird sound and I heard Matthew scream for help seconds before I was sucked into the computer.
|Chapter #2| Survival
“Oof, that hurt” I groaned. I looked down and I almost fainted. I was in Minecraft. I had a dark blue shirt with dark almost black, brown pants. The only problem was that if Matthew got sucked in the game then where was he. Just then I heard a big boom I looked behind me and what I faced was a big crater I walked to the crater and seen some wood planks plus brick, stone and gate just at that moment I realized that that was the house me and Matthew were building then I heard groaning, thinking it was a zombie, and not realizing that it was nighttime, I jumped into the crater. I peeked above the grass block and saw a person, tall, skinny, and had a girl shape to their body. I thought it was Matthew but realized it was a girl. The moonlight shone down on her. I had never seen her before. She was as tall as me and had black hair and dark blue eyes then behind me I heard something move. I looked behind me and found a zombie on a grass block but it just fell down the crater into a puddle of lava I tried not to laugh but I burst out laughing “ha ha ha ha” then I heard the girl scream I jumped up and seen a zombie about to eat her but by then I had a crafting table and lots of wood and a couple of sticks I quickly made a sword and lunged at the zombie not out of saving the girl but also to save a person I can team up with and find Matthew with. I hit the zombie square through the back of its head then when it did not die and turned around I remembered zombies don’t die with one hit but it did fall off the cliff that I realized was there so I am pretty sure it was not going to come back. So I started walking but just then the girl (whom I forgot was there) tried throwing me off the edge Thankfully I got to the ground before she could throw me off the edge. when I got up, I was eye to eye with her. I could see that her eyes were blue just like sapphires. At that moment both of us were frozen, standing there, and opened our mouths to talk but before we could she was cut off by an arrow hitting the tree next to us “ come on, hurry!” I yelled I ran into the hole where the Minecraft house used to be. By then I had picked up some of the wooden planks that were still there and built a 4 x 4 house and pulled her into there and drew my sword ( because I was so good at the game, so I made it fast)
I looked out the window, that I had picked up and seen some skeletons and zombies. Surprisingly there was no creepers insight, well not for now anyway. We sat there for what seemed like forever no one talked; we just sat there until I saw the light of day. I crouched and slowly made my way outside. I stalked the perimeter and saw some zombies burning but nothing else I made my way to the entrance of the little house and I stopped in my tracks at what my house became right there in the doorway. there was a path down to the girl I saved, who was mining the dirt from the ground. I got out of the doorway and went to the crafting table and made a pickaxe, went down with the girl, And asked her if she found any coal, in reply I got a no. to be fair though she just hit stone. There was a lot of dirt where we were. We had been digging for a while and it was now sunset by then I had gone out and got some wood and made the place a little bit bigger. We added a long chest, then put all the dirt and cobblestone we got into the chest. When night had fallen I drew my sword and waited for the worst. Thankfully nothing came except a zombie. After the sun rose I went out to get some more wood while she did some stuff in the wooden house. I had been thinking about Matthew and how the house blew up. Right then I thought it might be a griefer so I went to go ask the girl if she thinks that too. who I still have yet to ask for her name. but as I made my way to the house I saw a figure sprint from a tree I stopped in my tracks. I ran behind a tree and sat there till I saw the girl look for me then I came from behind the tree while looking at where I saw the shadow. As I walked toward her she was walking behind the house to see what I was looking at but I stopped her and before she said anything I explained " I saw someone, I don't want you to go over there" as I looked into her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. “Let’s get in the house before the zombies come, or worse.” as we walked I kept my eyes on the woods surrounding us. Once we were there I escorted her into the house while I checked behind me once we were in the house I made a door and put some dirt behind it right at that moment I heard a hiss and before I could get out the ground exploded I flew far from the house to a desert. I hit the ground with a thud and sand in the mouth I got up and dusted myself off and surveyed my surrounding and found myself surrounded by mobs so I sprinted for my life as an arrow whizzed past me
|Chapter #4|
Supplies
I ran for something like wood or something I could but the desert supplied me with none of that and I realized that I would have to take this into my own hands I hit a dead bush and got a stick and turned around and hit the nearest thing to me which was a creeper I turned again and ran until I saw daylight. I had found a temple which I hid in. I punched the wool and made my way down to the chests. As I made my way down I took some extra sand just in case and once I was able to get in the chests and found a golden apple, Redstone dust, paper, and bones I took all of this. Just in case I needed them, I slowly made my way up and out of the temple. I walked until I saw the night approach so I dug down a little bit and made a little cutout in the sand so I didn’t have to face the mobs again. It had been the morning by the time I dug myself out. When I got out I gazed upon the beautiful sunrise mobs were burning up in the sunlight and a couple of creepers and a spider or two I waited until I saw no more mods other than a creeper and the spiders I knew the spiders won’t hurt me but the creepers would. So I crouched and snuck behind the creeper and bumped into the spider but all it did was make a hiss. I quickly turned around and to my surprise, the creeper was just standing there like nothing ever happened so I stayed crouched and walked a little further once I was a safe distance away I got up and made my way to the lights to the close village nearby. As I got there I saw no iron golem or villagers so I thought to myself that they were probably inside their houses as I walked past two of the houses I saw some spider webs and stained glass and realized that this is an abandoned village and found some iron with zombies everywhere and most of them had helmets so that was the reason they weren’t burning up. I had to find some supplies before I battled the zombies so I took as much stuff from the village that I could and put on some iron armor and got out an iron sword. I knew what the danger was if I died but I’m still going to do it. I made my way to where the zombies were and as I set foot in their sight they came after me. I jumped quickly when I touched the ground I had impaled the first zombie and threw it at another zombie and stabbed through both of them but when I thought it was getting better I saw an arrow hit my sword I looked up from the battle and mess I created to my right there was an evoker and a pillager with a crossbow I dashed for the nearest house and dove in. I heard arrows hitting the ground and the walls around me. I knew there was no way out, not unless I fight, so I drew my sword again just as a pillager walked in it distracted me from what it was really doing, it moved out of the doorway and to what I saw was an evoker about to hit I jumped up when I saw some teeth about to come and threw my sword at the pillager, who was trying to shoot me, and when I hit the ground I stole my sword back from the dead body of the pillager and chucked it at the evoker whether it hit or not I didn't care the only thing I wanted to do was get away from here. I made a wild dash out the door. I ran past the dead iron golem and stole the iron ingots from the illiger that had killed the iron golem. I ran as far away from the village as possible and looked behind me to see what the village had become.
I hated the look of the burning town and all the villagers dying left and right. I guess I didn't see the villagers before and as I looked beyond there was another village already half-burnt. I wanted to rage and kill everything in sight, I decided not to because I only had an iron sword from the blacksmith. I turned my back to the village and walked toward the forest that was beyond the desert. As I walked I could tell that the sun was fading away and the moon was rising. I ran as fast as I could toward the forest. I didn’t want to get caught in the night fighting again. I could not afford to die, not here anyway. Once I got to the forest I could tell someone had been here because there had been a space cleared and there was wood missing in some of the trees plus there was a hole in the ground about 10 feet from me. I didn't know if this person set up traps or just left but either way, I held up my sword and started forward. I didn't find much after that only a cave that had some torches and no ores so that was a fact there was someone or something that lived here. I had camped out for a couple more days and then started to scavenge for food. It wasn't hard because there was a herd of pigs and cows. I made my way to them as they grazed and found a hole that led straight down. I had a pickaxe and hands so I dug down to the bottom. I found some iron but not much more. It was strange that there was a hole straight down and through the bedrock. I stayed for a couple of days in the forest then once the sun came up I strolled out of the forest dodging the occasional zombie or skeleton I almost blew up due to a creeper. It hadn't been long before I realized that a shadow Was a little out of my pace. It wasn't long before it disappeared from my sight. While I chased it I was kind of curious about what it would be like that there wasn't much that had Shadows around here other than living people. And if it was a person then it could very well be the girl that I rescued from the zombie not much long ago. I dashed as fast as I could. It had been a while after the explosion before I had heard of any other living thing other than villagers. At first, I had the thought that something bad had happened but that changed when I saw a huge herd of cows, pigs, and sheep along with some horses. With a sigh of relief, I dashed toward the cows to get some leather before they ran away. Just then the ground went out below me and I fell down in a dark musty area with Redstone lights going down a tunnel. The moment I stepped through the two-block tall gap I heard a tick and realized that the place was lined with pressure plates.
i was in 4th and I suck I already know
