a teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favourite football team is saying "raise you hand if it is Scunthorpe" every student but one raised their hand. the teacher asks "why don't you support Scunthorpe?" the child answers "my parents support Grimsby and so do I". the teacher comes back with "why are you copying your parents? what if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" the child answers then i'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards"
Top tip; if your wife asks "what would you like to do to my body?" 'identify it' is the wrong answer
A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy you've worked out it is ak but what is 59 minis 12. Timmy shakes his head not knowing the teacher asks how about ak 49 minus 2? Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells What comes after ak Timmy!? The white kid at the back stands shouts 47 and pulls the trigger.
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast
What is opposite of a lady fingers?
Answer: Mentos
A father of five puts on gas mask and a hazard suit, and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked "Dad, what are you wearing?". The father would answer with "A costume for Halloween.". the child asked "can i join?". He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. *after that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
Name what guns are used for {wrong answers only}
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from, I answered “my cat has ocd”
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and whent up to her mom and asked "mom I have hair on my privates,what is it?" "OH honey thats your monkey." The mom says So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says "my monkey has hair on it" so the sister replies with a laugh "you think thats cool my monkey is already eating bananas
the circular saw asked the chainsaw,"When am I as big as you?" the chainsaw would answer with,"When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner." the circular saw would reply with,"What?"
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother "Mom can little girls have babies " his mom answered "of course not" a few minutes later his mom heard him shout to his friend "it's okay we can keep playing
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up. The grandmother says: Hey, jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad! Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks jantje to help her stand up. Jantje anwsers: No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad.
Why do orphans watch nightmare before Christmas
Answer: oogie boogie is ugly so they wanted for be ugly
Why do orphans live in a orphanage
Answer: because they are wanted there
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion? The peanut butler.
What do you call a dead hooker? It doesn't matter she won't answer you.
Why did the little boy get hit by a car?
Answer: Because Sally was driving
what do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked? someone: ugly? me: no, trick question, they are still and orphan.
you have to tell this to a friend- There are 30 cows in a field 20 ate(28) chickens how many didn't? A: 10
