Question: What does tennis have that orphans don't get? Answer: Love
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
Who likes dick answer me
who sucked on my cock
answer (you)
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Violence is never the answer:
It's the solution.
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"
I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa. ☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.
The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" 😭. I was right guys ✅🛫
What do Batman and a Black man have in common?
Answer: They can't go anywhere without Robin.
I asked "Mom what's that in the sky?" Mom replied with, "thats your father".
What is 8 divided by 2?
Answer: 3 (you cut 8 in half).
Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?
Answer: Insider trading.
What's an Asian's favorite food place?
Answer: Petco
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?
Answer: Forever 21.
You know who else has dementia?
Comments for answer.
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
