ANS jokes
What do we call a family photograph of an orphan?
A selfie.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
What activity do nuns and whores have in common?
Answer: Genuflection.
What's the difference between a bird and an emo?
Birds fly.
What do you call an Eskimo stripper?
A frosty-tute.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.
What do you call an Irish person having a seizure? A Shamrock Shake.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
A stupid dolphin makes an annoying noise.
The dolphin did it on porpoise.
Why can't orphans go to an amusement park?
Because they don't have parents!
How do you know Thor has your back?
He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
Why is an orphan so bad at baseball?
Because they can't make it to home.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What do you call your son?
An mistake.
When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
What phone do orphans have?
An iPhone 10R.