ANS jokes
Why can't an orphan eat a bag of chips?
Because the chip was family size.
The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂
Why can’t an orphan go on a field trip?
'Cause they need a parent's signature.
What is an orphan's least favorite store? Home Depot.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?
One gets picked.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.
Imagine going up to an emo and saying, "You're just like a spider, you're both good at hanging."
A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
What do you call an emo group?
Suicide squad.
A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.
I'm holding an African themed party tomorrow. There is no food, and the drinks are 10 miles away!
What is a woman doing with an empty sheet?
Reading her rights!
What to do when you're bored? Punch an orphan in the face. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What bumps up and down at 100km an hour?
A baby tied to the back of a speeding truck.
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.