ANS jokes

How do you win an argument against an emo?

Kick the chair!

Is a selfie of an orphan a self-portrait or family photo?

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Criminals are wanted.

What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.

What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?

Ginger!

What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"

What is an Emo's favorite way to Cosplay?

Dress up as a piñata!

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...

It was impossible to put down.

Did you ever receive an anonymous blowjob from another male under the handicapped stall inside the public men's restroom at a rest area and did you have an orgasm and was it the best orgasm that you ever had?

New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."

Students: "Sad"

Teacher: "Anyway, is anyone missing?"

Students: "Your parents!"

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me, what did you do?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...