ANS jokes

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

Yo mama so stupid... she stared at an orange juice carton because it said, "CONCENTRATE!"

Want to know the difference between an orphan and a flower??

Flowers get picked.

Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.

What’s black and white and red all over?

A crushed nun!

What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?

Slow natives.

What do you call a student in space?

An astrodent.

What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?

Brain cells make up their mind.

What's an orphan's favorite flower?

Self-raising flour.

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

me: I'm going to steal your heart.

her: omg that's so romantic!!

me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.

Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”

Welp, that’s it.

What do an M&M and juice have in common?

Window.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

Why is my anus burning?

'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I chop up an onion.

LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?

Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?

Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple has a family tree.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

Roses are red, lemons are sour.

Open your legs and give me an hour.

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."