ANS jokes
Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?
Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.
Why does an orphan play mum and dad?
'Cause they need self-love.
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.
Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?
Because they have no one to tell them off.
Why can’t an orphan have a dog? It always runs away.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.
What is the difference between an American and an orphan?
They don't have a home to get their guns.
What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg.
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.
Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.
How do you fix an igloo?
With Iglue.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Somebody threw an EMP at him.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly woman?
The Twin Towers got fucked.
I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.
Let me know if you can't cum.
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"