ANS jokes
What do you call an Indian going through the bins?
RUM-MAJINGG
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We’re closed."
I walk into school, and look up praying.
"Man, would be a shame if the buildings fell from an airplane."
Nothing happened. There is no God.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.
What did the dark man say when he found out he had an erectile dysfunction?
"I can't breed! I can't breed! I can't breed!"
R.I.P. Floyd.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
What's an orphan's favorite flower?
Self-raising flour.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.
I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
If you hit an orphan on the arm, what will he do? Tell his parents?
What do you call a kid hanging? An emo kid!
Why can't an orphan go to S. C. Johnson?
Because it's family owned.