ANS jokes
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
An alien goes to Area 51, but I wonder why he doesn't go to your house?
Why do golfers bring an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
Q. What is an orphan's favorite game?
A. Hide and seek.
When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.
How do you kill a spider?
Just get an autistic person.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
Chuck Norris can kick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever had.
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
Why did the orphan have an empty bowl?
Because they already ate their supper.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.