ANS jokes
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?
The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What is an Irish kiss?
Fellatio from a gay Irishman.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!
What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
What has two wings and an arrow?
The Chinese telephone, wing wing, arrow.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.