ANS jokes
What’s an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.
Why can't an orphan play basketball?
Because no one will be cheering them on.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
Don't let an extra chromosome keep you down!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"