ANS jokes

Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.

His parents weren't too happy.

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.

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  • Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."

    "We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.

    "Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."

    The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"

    The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"

    What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.

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  • If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.

    The kid just hangs there.