ANS jokes

What do you call an owl that does magic?

Hooodini.

Why are most West Virginians going to hell?

Their favorite pastimes (inbreeding and bestiality) are an abomination unto the Lord.

What's the difference between a pizza & a person?

A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...

What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?

Aliens vs. Predator

What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."

Need an arch? I Noah guy.

Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.

What's black, white, and red?

A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?

A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.

So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.

I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.

Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.

I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.

I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.

Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.