ANS jokes
Boy Scout...
- A kid who dressed like an idiot.
- An idiot who dressed like a kid.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
Why is it hard having a relationship with an astronaut?
Because they are always so distant. :-]
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.
What do you call an Asian kid that is bad at math?
An orphan.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
Why do golfers bring an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
What does your mother look like after I had sex with her eight times? An octopus.
There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"