ANS jokes
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?
What do you call an animal that smells?
A smelly-phant.
That joke is really not funny.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
This is an a-maze-ing joke!
I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.
He thought it was eggcellent.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
Why can't you buy an iPhone X?
It's too expensive.
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.
If you ever get bored, just hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
A priest, a minister, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this a joke?"
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.
"Harry Hicks smells of home. Homo is an infection, and infections are made up of atoms."