ANS jokes
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
Disabled people can help the world to get a printed copy of "Leaning Tower of Pisa," exactly leaned at an angle.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
How do you think the unthinkable? An iceberg.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
What's an orphan's favorite food? Nothing, they can't afford it.
What is an animal that is always at a baseball game?
A bat! 🤣🦇🦇🦇🦇
What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs! 😈🥚
What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?
An orphan.
Maishah, the poo comes from an old bathroom in a country starting with B.
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
An alien goes to Area 51, but I wonder why he doesn't go to your house?
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!
What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
What has two left legs 🦵 but can’t walk? An airport.
What do you call an orphan?
A bootysnagger45.
You're an apple. Now suck my dick!