ANS jokes
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
What has two wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone: "Wing wing arrow."
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.
What do you call a selfie that is taken by an orphan?
Answer: A family photo.
As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."
If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.
What’s an orphan’s favorite movie?
Spider-Man: Homecoming.
Me talks to an orphan: Hey, I have a joke.
Orphan: Go on then.
Me: Your family tree.
Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?
Because they can’t find the home button!
Q: What's the difference between a computer and an abortion clinic? A: Ctrl+Alt+Delete
When an orphan takes a selfie, it's a family photo.
What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
The homepage.