ANS jokes
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
Why do orphans live in an orphanage?
Answer: Because they are wanted there.
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.
I love working at an orphanage.
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: Oh, I wan-
Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.
Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
I want an almond-flavored biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am!
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
What's the difference between a bad joke and an actually bad joke?
An actually bad joke is not funny, like this one!
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut.
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows.
It would have had doors, but why was it ever spelt DOS?