ANS jokes
When is rape normal?
When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.
What's the difference between an apple and an emo kid?
One falls, while the other hangs.
An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"
The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."
What does an orphan call a family picture?
"A selfie."
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
How to commit arson:
1. Burn down an orphanage.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
Call me an elevator, because I let people down.
How do you win an argument against an emo?
Kick the chair!
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.
What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait!
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?
Jah Bless.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”
What’s an orphan’s favorite snake, self raising flour?
A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”