ANS jokes
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
Harder than a diamond in an ice storm.
What do you call an @EB with no ears?
An Explain B.
What's an orphan's least favorite T.V. show?
Family Guy.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Q. What do a one-story house and an Alzheimer's victim have in common? A. Nothing going on upstairs.
I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?
So no one would know what side he was on.
I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!
Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.
Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:
Starters - Foreplay
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl
Dessert - Blowy
Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.
I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.
Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.
Tonight, I picked up an anorexic prostitute.
It was really easy because she was only about 90 pounds.