ANS jokes

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?

A human chandelier.

What do you call an orphan with a gun?

(No) home shooter.

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?

A. An ambulance.

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.

A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.

Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he doesn't know where home is.

Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

Because no one’s looking for them.

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

They say Trump got impeached, but he is an orange.

An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:

Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."

Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"

Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."

Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"

Man: "I’m telling everybody!"

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.

We just clicked.