Another jokes
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Why did they call it "Aqua Claudia"?
Because it carried water, and another word for water is aqua. Duh!
If you hit a child, that's child abuse.
If you hit a family member, that's abuse.
If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.
If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.
Real emo: same.
Fake emo: another piece of cake.
What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?
Getting neck!
A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.
After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.
And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"
God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"
Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. That's why orphanages exist!
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
What is another name for a serial rapist? Short dress enthusiast.
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.