Animal Jokes

your mom
in Orphan

If a orphan was a animal it would be a owl cuz they don’t know WHOOOO their parents are

a

What is the worst animal to play cards with … a cheater

Grant's Gay
  • I work with animals
  • Great! What job?
  • A butcher

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story…

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.

“Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said ‘Morning, Mister Farmer!’. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?”

Susie says “He said ‘Good morning Mrs. Cow!’”

“Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said ‘Good morning, Mister Farmer!’. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?” Johnny says “He said ‘Good morning Mr. Pig!’”

“Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said ‘Morning, Mister Farmer!’. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?” Billy says “The farmer said ‘Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!’”

Like if you like dogs. Dislike if you like cats. Other animal? Tell me in the comments :)

Anime is good like for yes, dislike for no. Comments for thoughts

Anonymous

A dog was in the vet’s waiting room and another dog asked, “What are you here for?” “Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn’t resist so I mounted up and screwed her senseless.” “Oh, so you’re here to get neutered?” “Nah, I’m just getting my nails clipped.”

Anonymous

Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.

Anonymous

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, “I know your problem, you blew a seal.” The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, “Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!”

Anonymous

What to you call someone who has sex with foals, calves and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.

Anonymous
in Wolf

What animal…howls at the moon…and…eats…cement…if you guessed wolf ur right(I threw in the cement to make it hard

Monkey Man

A list of War Crimes committed by Mort. -stole god’s power

Fire Bombing an orphanage -invented the kkk

-Vehicular manslaughter

-Comited mass rape

-planned 9/11

-Leader of nazis

Farted 100 times in a row Ate Arby’s food Killed a mouse Dropping 10 pounds of semen on unnamed African children Rigging the 2016 election Gang Violence Owns 4000+ brothels around the world. Bombing all 7 world wonders Capturing and exploiting schizophrenic Somalian children for labor and child soldiers. Aggravated Assault Didn’t play video games Fraud He is sus Public Nudity Being an ass Domestic Violence Pearl Harbour Bombing Voluntary Manslaughter Tax Evasion Mass Genocide Mass Murder Forgery Shop lifting Bribery Killing Batman Usurpation -Puts milk before cereal

-Bought Cyberpunk 2077 on launch

Incrimination Organized crime -Cause of the nuking on Hiroshima

Unorganized crime City-wide corruption Cyberbullying Kidnapping Violence Theft Torture Treason Armed Robbery -Unarmed Robbery

Grand Theft Auto (6) Abuse (of power, physically and psychologically) Mass destruction Child endangerment Infanticide Attempted cultural genocide Blackmail Forced confinement Assault Robbery Terrorism Public endangerment Fraud Hate crimes Slander Vandalism Coercion Stalking Responsible for the annoying ads on Porn Hub Pollution Arms Dealing Crimes against humanity Drug Possession Drug Trafficking Drug Manufacturing Embezzlement Rioting Child Abandonment Abused a pizza and multiple planets Indecent Exposure Public Intoxication Arson Fucked God Burglary Home invasion Manslaughter Child Torture Leaving the toilet seat up Organ dealing Several unpaid parking tickets Dream Stan Adultery Genocide of Twitch Simps and Soy Boys Several cases of crashing a school bus Crapping on King Julien’s Throne always respecting women Theft of 69420 cases of Botulinum toxin Driving under the influence Libel Killed U.S. hostages in WWII Cannibalism Slave owning The extinction of fifty-five different animal species Probation violation Prostitution -Trafficking Of Minors

Breaking the first two Rules of The Internet The making and use of mustard gas -Nuclear arms dealing

Human arms dealing Fucked a whiskey bottle -The assassination of JFK

Shot Franz Ferdinand Responsible for juice WRLD’s death Owning multiple children as slaves Destruction of the old communist Russia Bestiality (but with humans) Out Pizza’d the hut Used the “Heaven Concealed” Jutsu to make dinosaurs go extinct Stole the Krabby Patty secret formula Friends with Hitler and Stalin Causing 2020 Kneeling on George Floyd’s neck Mean to the nice teacher Saying bad morning instead of good morning Did a backflip and ruined everyone’s day Blackmailed Santa into giving him presents Robbing 389493 Mom Bucks Bombing Palestine Invented Tic Tok Put 6 children in animatronic suits Ate gasoline Killed Harambe Exposed Amish children to Hentai Bought and consumed Belle Delphine’s bath water collaboration with [ Redacted ] at Tiananmen Square said the n-word on multiple occasions gave Thanos and 20 others AIDS and chlamydia knows who Candice is knows what sex is but won’t tell us danced on a pole to seduce a rooster. watched Jake and Logan Paul. -is a BTS stand

Said Gay people matter Said Mr. Krabs wasn’t dummy thick Caught stuffing babies with 20Lbs of dynamite doesn’t like roblox sex doesn’t like fortnite sex Made porn with Johnny Sins Put Jelly before Peanut butter on his PB&J Gave out viagra to Pre-School Students -500TB of child pornography

-Told the crippled kid to “walk it off”

-Woke up, took a shit, got out of

ate the homework instead of the dog doing it -knows who joe is

The Founder of the KKK The Cause of 9/11 Creator Of The Deep Web Took Part of All Sorts of Terrorism he the reason one direction split up threw hands with God and won voted for Trump and Biden -rape

-likes big black cocks

simped for and virtually fucked Bella poarch -declared nuclear war on north korea

-Sex Note

-killed Lillphoenix

-ejaculating in 17 different species of fish

-is not white

-ate a nacho chip vertically

-fucked a triceratops

-said shrek was ugly

knew what the point of the mask is -somehow fucked 30 worms

-ate the old woman who swallowed a bat

-said that straws have two holes

-ejaculated onto all four ninja turtles

-fucked ur uncle and father instead of ur mom (hes kinda gay)

-reminded the teacher there was homework

-said santa wasn’t real

-Didnt Like carrots

-claims to have seen john cena

-wouldn’t stand up for the kid in the wheel chair and said the following “stand up for ur self bitch” then went to go find king Julian

-doesn’t know GEICO can save you 15% or more on car insurance

-Gassing millions of people in auschwitz

-Created auschwitz

Anonymous
in Video Game

If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called? Therianarchy!

Anonymous

If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called? Therianarchy!

Anonymous

I hit a ball with a bat it was called animal abuse

What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.

DarkPlayz

What do you call a cow with no legs

(Answer)- ground beef

Sorry for a bad joke

DarkPlayz

My friend said this to me: Were you born on a high way because thats where most accidents happen :(