Animal jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
How do birds pay? With their bills!
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?
A quack head!
My mom must be a duck then...
There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"
What is black, white, and red all over?
A dead zebra 🦓
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
What do you call a fish with no legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Break!
I like tortles.
Chomp!
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
Never trust a donkey; they are always full of shit.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.
Why are mice bad singers?
They are very cheesy.
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
What did the beaver say when it hit the wall?
Dam!
If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.