Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
Animal Jokes
A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.
So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"
The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"
The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."
Why'd the snake cross the road? It was in the chicken's butt.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fffffsshhhhhh
What do you call an ugly, grey thing?
Cinderelephant!
- What do you call a bee who flew to United States? - "USB"
Where do you take your pig to karate?
The pork chop class!
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A pork chop.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
Monky.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.
Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?
Me: Aren't you my son?
Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to make it laugh?
Ten-tickles.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Co- MOO!
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
