And jokes

David’s parents have three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what’s the name of the third son?

Answer: David.

Q: Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

A: Because all shows and movies have a cast.

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

You're so ugly that I choked and died.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Teacher's pen is RED, our pen is BLUE, she is marking an EGG on my marksheet, left with questions and no CLUE.

What is small, black and yellow, and drops things?

A fumble bee.

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

Stupid Mary Jane was swinging on the swing.

Her momma said, "Stupid Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your underwear!"

Stupid Mary Jane laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing no underwear.

Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.

Why is an elephant big, grey, and hairy?

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

Tired of having to cut your grass? Dye it blue, and it will die itself.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?

One's a drive-through and one's a fly-through.

What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?

My dad went to get both and never came back.