And jokes

Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.

Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.

Guy: Where are they then?

Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?

They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

"Slow and steady wins the race."

What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?

It's white and it's brown.

Hey, this is to orphans:

"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"

Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.

I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?

We were both caused by broken rubber.

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!

What's the difference between your mom and a troll?

Nothing, they both look the same.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

What do orphans and apples not have in common? Apples get picked.