And jokes

Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.

Guy: Where are they then?

Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].

There are three types of people in the world:

Those who can count and those who can’t.

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

What's the difference between a guy and a woman? They fall from different heights.

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?

We were both caused by broken rubber.

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

What do orphans and apples not have in common? Apples get picked.

David’s parents have three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what’s the name of the third son?

Answer: David.

Family all eating at the table.

Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."

Sister: "Stop the cap."

Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."

Dad laughed.

Stepmom storms out of the room.

Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?

Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!

Neona (😁): Agreed!

What do sloths and depressed people have in common?

They both hang from the tree.

I'm high and it's very hot.

I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.

Do you know when the thing of you when the was is where you and if you when you where if I and you where in the thing is where yes?

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

Hello, I'm C-3PO. And this is my brother, WD-40.