And jokes

Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?

My stepdad did beat cancer.

Yo mama so fat Trump built a wall around her and not the border.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds.

I'm horny and gay.

What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.

What’s the difference between a kid with cancer and a dark humor joke?

They never get old.

Yo mama so stupid, she shoved two AA batteries up her ass and started singing, "I’ve Got The Power!"

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

I like peanut butter and honey.

How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.

And then it hit me.

How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.

How do you confuse a blonde?

Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.

I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"