And jokes

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.

What's something similar between a clogged pipe and a pregnant woman?

You fix both with a coat hanger.

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.

You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.

What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?

They both try to get there before the hair does.

The pirate looked down the toilet, and what did he see?

The captain's log.

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.

Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D

I saw a kid crying yesterday, and I asked him, "Where are your parents?" Then he started crying harder.

What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?

My big green pedo machine.

"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.

Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."

Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack was in shock with a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.