And jokes

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.

What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.

The best and worst part about being bi:

Best: Double the love, double the fun.

Worst: Double the love, double the loneliness.

Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?

Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?

One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.

Keep calm and curry on!

I wonder why the baseball was getting larger and larger, then it hit me.

What do you call Holly and Elenji?

A couple.

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would hang himself to death.