And jokes
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
Time heals all wounds.
Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.
Memes
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic and the other is a priest.
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
Roses are red, my blood is too, And I've been seeing it a lot more, since I've lost you.
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?
Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
Q. What's red and crawls up your leg?
A. A homesick abortion.
Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.