And jokes

What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?

One is actually used.

What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?

One is loved by all.

I'm not saying I'm ugly...

But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?

Me: I have depression, what do you think?!

This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.

Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!

Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?

Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One really small one and one really small black guy.

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

What's the difference between a CEO and licorice?

The licorice is black.

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck its dick.

What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

Neither do ever grow old.

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

What's the difference between America and a flash drive?

One is USA, the other is USB. 😂😂😂

What do your teacher and your friend have in common?

They will both die eventually.

Lynx Africa is based on a nice smell. Do you think Lynx England would smell like Stella and disappointment?

Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!

What’s the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?

McDonald's has a drive through. Twin Towers has a fly through.