And jokes

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

What do Nemo and an orphan have in common? They can't find their parents.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Luckily for you, mirrors can't talk, and luckily for you, they can't laugh either.

Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?

Heaven always has 5-star reviews.

What do a deaf person and an orphan have in common? Neither of them can hear their parents.

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.

Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?

So they will be wanted.

Your mom and your dad.

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.

I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."

Why were the Twin Towers angry?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, and all they got was plane.

Why does everyone respect midgets and dwarves?

They never look down on anyone.

Why do humans hate aliens?

Because Fortnite took them out of the game, and I want aliens back in Fortnite!

What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?

Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.

What show do gay men watch?

"2 and a Half Men!"

Lol at this one fellas!