And jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."

Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Answer: Elephino.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

For every blonde in the world,

scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

Can watersharky and Gwen comment on this? I need to talk to you guys.

What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?

Nothing, I eat both of them.

One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.

Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.

What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?

He fell for her.