And jokes
Yo mama so stupid, she shoved a battery up her butt and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"
I once saw a kid walking down the street crying. So I asked them, "Hey kid, where are your parents?" And he started to cry even more...
"Huh. I wonder why he was so sad..." I said as I walked into the orphanage.
My penis is big and long, what else is... my condom... cucumber.
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common?
They both are plastic and like kids.
Memes
You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.
What makes genders and Twin Towers similar?
There used to be two of them, and now it's a sensitive subject.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
The apples get picked.
Why can't religion and science agree?
Because science creates skyscrapers, and religion combines with skyscrapers.
I scaled your forehead, and all I saw was 1000.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
Q: What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?
A: Apples get picked! 😱
A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
Chuck Norris sneezed and sent 2 planes flying... on September 11, 2001.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.