And jokes

You're so fat,

when you stepped on the scale,

Buzz Lightyear came out and said,

"To infinity and beyond!"

What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?

“Here comes the airplane!”

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm the rest of his life.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.

What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?

You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.

What is Juan the junkmail dispenser's nickname? Spic and spam.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.

What's the difference between your mum and the Twin Towers?

I would smash the Twin Towers.

Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.

What do my mom and a basketball have in common?

My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?

Elton John is still standing.

What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?

The cat is actually cute.

What's an orphan's favorite meme?

Homer going into a bush.

Might take a while to notice and this one is bad.

What did the green grape say to the purple one?

"Calm down and take a breath."

What is long and hard and is full of seamen?

A submarine.

A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

Why was 10 scared?

Because it was in the middle of 9 and 11.