And jokes
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
Hi, I love you. You know I do. What a good night of a good time and time to go, oooo!
Memes
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?
The location of the Dirtbag.
2 weeks here.
What do dicks and popsicles have in common?
They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.
Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."
Actor 2: "Where's the b?"
Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"
Why don't you act like an amoeba and split?
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
"Between you and me, something smells!"
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
Papyrus: Nyhe heh heh! I got a swim suit! And it even says cool dude!
Sans: I guess now it says pool dude ;)
Papyrus: SSSSAAAAANNNNSSSS!