And jokes

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

How do you punish a blind person?

Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller.”

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?

Batman: A dick.

Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?

DeterMIENATION

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?

When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.

If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."

What's the difference between you and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

A guy is talking to an Indian therapist.

He had a red dot, and the American thought it was from a sniper rifle and tackled him and said, "I thought the red dot on your head was from a sniper rifle!"

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.