And jokes

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

What's the difference between a baby and a potato? 140 calories.

what is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.

What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?

They both thank you for your financial support.

I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.

What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"

Q: What's yellow and floats?

A: A bus full of children.

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?

Catholics are registered sex offenders.

What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we look through.

My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.