And jokes

I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?

Nothing.

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a good driver.

School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.

Why do the twin towers and my mom have in common? They fell over.

Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.

POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭

What’s the difference between an orphan and a tomato?

The tomato gets picked.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.

"I met a girl and she's 28."

"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."

- AJR

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.