And jokes

If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?

people go there to fix their mistakes.

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

The apples get picked.

Any joke that I make about 9/11 has a tendency to crash and burn.

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )

Yo mama's so stupid, she took a Covid test and got an F.

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?