And jokes

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody nose.

What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?

Answer: disappearing acts.

What do squirrels and men have in common?

They always want a nut.

What's white and rhymes with Dre? Eminem.

What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.

Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?

Because then they would be called bagels! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.

What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?

Paul Walker’s Porsche.

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.

What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabytes.

What goes 200 mph and is red?

Babies in a blender.

What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?

They know how to get a beat down.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?

He's all right.