And jokes
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
I hate snow. It's white and on my land.
Memes
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people.
I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
Your hairline's so bent, it goes west, east, north, and south!
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”