And jokes

I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?

What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?

If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?

The brakes, you sick bastard.

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.

Today, I had an exam in school. When I was done, I raised my hand and yelled, “Pisstiano Penaldo!”

My teacher smiled and took my paper. She knew I was finished.

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

What's the difference between a black and a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe dis shit."

how to solve world hunger and over population?

Cannibalism.

I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

Hell hates freezers, England, and soccer.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

What is black when it’s clean and white when it’s dirty?

Answer: A chalkboard.

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?

Very little.

I'm reading this book in braille right now, and I know something's gonna happen, I can just feel it.