And jokes

I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.

What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"

Q: What's yellow and floats?

A: A bus full of children.

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?

Catholics are registered sex offenders.

What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we look through.

My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

What is red and cries and spins around and around?

- A baby in a microwave.

What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance room have in common?

No ballroom.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

What did Hitler get for his birthday?

A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.

What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?

Black matter leaves an impact.

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.