And jokes

Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.

One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.

So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.

Ok, so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him.

It was a seven course meal if I say so myself.

According to all known laws of aviation,

there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Coming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

- Barry? - Adam?

- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!

- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!

Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!

A man walked into a fleshlight and died.

Diabetic wives are like Cillit Bang. Squeeze them a bit and bang! The bed is gone.

My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!

Especially in bed...

What’s green, fuzzy, and falls out of a tree? A pool table.

What’s the difference between a tuna and a tube of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

What happened to the glue?

I knew you would get stuck on that!

I like my coffee like my men, long and black.

Michael is gay and sucks cock.

I asked my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her, "How did you do that?" but there was no response.

Your face and your life.

Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!

So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"

She said, "*sniff* yes."

What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?

The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.

What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.

That one never gets old, just like the baby.

"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."

"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"

What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?

While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.

"Dez nuts, bell suck and she ugly."

I have no toes, so I put blood on my foot, and then my other foot got run over, so, ye.