And jokes

Priest

What's the difference between Axne and a priest??

One waits till you're 13 to come on your face.

9/11

I joke about 9/11 because if I did it, it would have a tendency to crash and burn.

School

I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.

Dog

Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.

Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?

Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.

Memes

Mom

Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.

My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!

Batman

What's the difference between Batman and Robin?

Batman can go to the store without robbin'.

Dandruff

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

Time

Hi, here's a joke: You're wasting your time and space, you know it... :D

Bathroom

If you're American coming into the bathroom,

And you're American coming out of the bathroom,

What are you in the bathroom?

European.

Dad

What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?

Baby

How are babies and the elderly similar?

They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.

Wife

My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.