American jokes
What is the national bird of Iran?
An American drone.
This is American politics that is not true.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
Americans live in the U.S.A. The quiet kids live in the U.Z.I.
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
How do Americans learn the metric system?
9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.
POV there’s a school shooting.
American: First time, European?
European: Yeah, you American?
American: No, not my first time.
What do Americans and Rubik's Cubes have in common?
They both have a history of separating colors.
Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!
Why can't Americans play chess?
Because they're missing two towers.
Why are Americans so bad at chess? Cause they lost 2 towers.
Why was the American kid late to school?
Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.
Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?
Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.
I'm George Washington. I can't spell "teeth" or "American."
Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.
Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.