What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?
The witnesses.
I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.
I swear I always finish on page 3 when I'm looking at family pictures.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“because they always wanted a daddy”
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
Wanna hear a poop joke? Nah, they always stink
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
Why don't Bald Eagles like fast food? It always runs away!
We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.
I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?
Because she knew the lion was always lion.
If the American Dream exists, why is it always filmed in Canada?
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
