I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Your hairline's exactly like your nose; it's always offside.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight
Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.
Why don’t Asians get stung by bees?
Because they are always expected to get “A’s.”
women will always be superior to men. after all, they are FEmale. (fe- iron. male-man.)
Me: Hey friend!
Friend: Yes?
Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.
Friend: Touch.
Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)
Friend: Grass.
Me: And you get?
Friend: Touch grass.
"Remember, switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Why does the wind always blow from the "West" in Washington State?
Answer: Because IDAHO SUCKS!
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
Why do Emos always wear black like ninjas?
Because they're always cutting.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"
The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"
He said, "No, because you're black."
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? ...Because there's always a cast. :>
Chinese always proud of their principle in business.
The fact is only products they copy that go international, except for COVID.
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
Why are vampires always sick?
Because they are coffin.
