Again jokes

Wife

  • Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

    Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

    Wife: Kid?

    Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

    Sister

  • So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

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  • Migraine

  • One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.

    The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.

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  • Orphan

  • How to get rich:

    Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.

    Step 2: Knock out the orphan.

    Step 3: Cut open the orphan.

    Step 4: Well there [are] organs.

    Step 5: Do it again.

    And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.

    Rhino

  • Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.

    Orphan

  • Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.

    Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

    Timmy: *starts crying*

    Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.

    Misfortune

  • My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

    (Again, credits to my really funny friend)

    Money

  • Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?

    A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack and sell it again.

    Banana

  • Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    Banana.

    Banana who?

    Orange.

    Orange who?

    Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?

    Leaf

  • What is the best way to make a leaf?

    Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

    Head

  • This is two heads.

    Deaf. "Deep water." ""

    - "78 years."

    Are you interested again? ""

    "If you go ... you are there."

    "No. 85 is good."

    What is the most important value? It does not take cheese.

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  • Mama

  • At 6, she wanted a happy mama.

    At 8, she hated acting like a mom.

    At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.

    At 11, she wanted to see her mom.